Telling Others About Your Loss

One of the most challenging aspects of losing a pet is telling others. Whether it's breaking the news to family members, explaining your absence to colleagues, or simply answering the question "How's your dog?", sharing your loss can feel exhausting, emotional, and sometimes deeply frustrating – especially when people don't respond with the understanding you need.

This guide will help you navigate telling others about your pet's death, from choosing who to tell to handling difficult responses with grace.

Why Telling Others Is So Hard

Sharing news of your pet's death is challenging for several reasons:

Reliving the loss – Each telling forces you to confront the reality again
Emotional vulnerability – You may cry or become overwhelmed
Fear of judgement – Worry that others won't understand your grief
Anticipating dismissive responses – Past experience with "it's just a pet" comments
Exhaustion – Grief is draining; explaining it to others takes energy you don't have
Privacy – Your grief is personal; sharing it can feel invasive

It's okay to be selective about who you tell and when. You don't owe anyone your grief story.

Who to Tell

Consider telling different people for different reasons:

Immediate Circle – For Support

Close family members – Especially those who knew and loved your pet
Your partner or spouse – If you share the loss together
Best friends – Those you trust with your vulnerability
Fellow pet owners – Who understand the bond

Practical Notifications

Your employer or HR – If you need time off or reduced responsibilities
Your vet's surgery – To update records and cancel appointments
Pet insurance company – To cancel or make a claim
Microchip database – To update your pet's status
Groomer, walker, or pet sitter – Anyone who cared for your pet
Pet-related subscriptions – Food deliveries, treat boxes, etc.

Wider Circle – As Needed

Acquaintances who regularly asked about your pet
Neighbours who knew your pet
Social media connections – If you wish to share publicly
Online pet communities – For support from those who understand

How to Break the News

There's no perfect way to tell someone your pet has died. Choose the method that feels most comfortable for you.

In Person

Best for close family and friends who will want to support you:

Choose a private, comfortable setting
Be direct: "I have some sad news. [Pet's name] passed away."
Allow space for their reaction and yours
Accept comfort if offered

By Phone

Good for people who live far away or when you need some distance:

Call when you have time and privacy
Start with "I need to tell you something difficult"
Be prepared for their emotional response
It's okay to keep the call short if needed

By Text or Message

Appropriate when you can't face speaking, or for less close connections:

A simple message: "I wanted to let you know that [pet's name] passed away on [date]. I'm taking some time to grieve."
You can add: "I'll be in touch when I'm ready to talk."
This gives you control over when to engage further

On Social Media

Allows you to tell many people at once:

Share a favourite photo with a brief tribute
Be prepared for comments – both supportive and potentially insensitive
You can disable comments if you prefer
Consider waiting until you feel ready for the attention

Through Someone Else

It's perfectly acceptable to ask a family member or close friend to spread the news:

"Could you let [people] know about [pet's name]? I'm not up to telling everyone myself."
This protects your energy for healing

Telling Children About Pet Loss

Children require special consideration when sharing news of a pet's death. How you handle this can shape their understanding of death and grief for years to come.

Guidelines for Telling Children

Be honest and direct – Use the words "died" and "death" rather than euphemisms
Avoid "put to sleep" – This can create fear around sleeping
Avoid "went away" or "ran away" – This can create abandonment fears or false hope
Keep explanations age-appropriate – Younger children need simpler information
Allow questions – Answer honestly, even if the answer is "I don't know"
Validate their feelings – "It's okay to feel sad. I feel sad too."
Share your own grief – Modelling healthy grieving helps children learn

What Children Might Ask

"Why did [pet] die?" – Explain simply: their body stopped working, or they were very ill
"Will you die too?" – Reassure them while being honest that all living things die eventually
"Will I die?" – Focus on how most people and animals live for a very long time
"Where is [pet] now?" – Answer according to your family's beliefs
"Can we get another pet?" – Acknowledge the question without making immediate decisions

Supporting Grieving Children

Include them in memorial activities if they wish
Let them draw pictures or write letters to their pet
Watch for behavioural changes that might indicate struggling
Maintain routines for security
Read children's books about pet loss together

Telling Your Employer

Deciding whether and how to tell your employer about your pet's death depends on your workplace culture and your needs.

When to Tell Your Employer

You need time off to grieve or handle arrangements
Your work performance may be affected
You need flexibility in your schedule
You want colleagues to understand if you seem upset

How to Approach It

Be matter-of-fact – "I've had a family bereavement – my pet of [X] years has died."
State what you need – "I'd like to take [time period] to handle this."
Keep it professional – You don't need to share details
Know your rights – Some employers offer compassionate leave for pet loss; many don't, but may be flexible

If Your Employer Isn't Supportive

Consider using annual leave or personal days
Focus on what you need to function, not on changing their mind
Seek support from understanding colleagues privately

Handling Unhelpful Responses

Unfortunately, not everyone will respond to your news with compassion. Understanding why people say hurtful things can help you cope with these responses.

Common Unhelpful Comments

"It was just a pet."
"You can always get another one."
"At least it wasn't a person."
"They're in a better place now."
"You should be over it by now."
"It's just an animal."
"Be grateful for the time you had."

Why People Say These Things

Discomfort with grief – They don't know what to say and default to minimising
Lack of understanding – They've never experienced a close bond with a pet
Attempting to help – Misguided attempts to make you feel better
Their own beliefs – Some genuinely don't understand the human-animal bond
Cultural differences – Attitudes toward pets vary significantly

How to Respond

You have several options when faced with dismissive comments:

Simple and direct – "This is very painful for me. [Pet's name] was family."
Educational – "Research shows pet loss can be as devastating as losing a human family member."
Boundary-setting – "I appreciate you trying to help, but those words aren't comforting right now."
Redirecting – "What would help is if you could [specific request]."
Disengaging – Simply change the subject or end the conversation
Walking away – You don't owe anyone an explanation of your grief

Protecting Your Energy

Limit time with unsupportive people during acute grief
Prepare responses in advance so you're not caught off guard
Remember: their response reflects their limitations, not your grief's validity
Seek out those who do understand

Finding Supportive Responses

While some people will disappoint you, others will offer exactly the support you need. Nurture these connections:

Signs of a Supportive Response

"I'm so sorry. [Pet's name] was such a wonderful [dog/cat/etc.]."
"I know how much they meant to you."
"Take all the time you need."
"What do you need right now?"
"Would you like to talk about them?"
"I'm here for you."
Simply listening without trying to fix

Where to Find Understanding

Other pet owners – Especially those who've experienced loss
Pet loss support groups – Online and in-person
Pet bereavement helplines – Staffed by trained volunteers
Your veterinary team – They understand the bond deeply
Pet loss forums and communities – Anonymous support available

Telling People Who Don't Know Yet

One of the ongoing challenges after pet loss is encountering people who don't know yet – the neighbour who asks how your dog is doing, the colleague who hasn't heard.

Preparing for These Moments

Have a simple response ready: "[Pet's name] passed away recently."
Decide how much detail you want to share
It's okay to keep it brief: "Thank you for asking. It's been difficult."
Give yourself permission to change the subject quickly

When It Catches You Off Guard

It's okay to become emotional
A simple "I'm sorry, this is still fresh" explains tears
You can walk away if needed
These encounters become easier with time

Sharing Your Pet's Memory

Beyond the initial telling, you may want to share your pet's memory more broadly:

Create an online memorial for friends and family to visit
Share a tribute on social media
Include them in conversations naturally: "My dog used to love this park"
Display photos in your home
Talk about them with people who will listen

Keeping their memory alive through sharing is a beautiful way to honour the bond you shared.

"Those who don't understand your grief have simply never loved an animal the way you did. That's their loss, not your failing."

Your grief is valid. Your love was real. And you deserve to be surrounded by people who understand that losing a pet means losing a family member, a best friend, and a piece of your heart.